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Hello guys, long time since I updated my account, from works to news and journals.
Now going directly to the point of this journal in matter, I am going to try to clarify some of the reasons for the above recently mentioned and I am going to be as honest as possible. During the last 2 or 3 years I have been growing economically, and raising positions in big companies as a front end developer and web designer, and had to travel long distances to reach the office in a very uncomfortable crowded subway which left me with very little time for studying and painting. At the begging it felt great, it was good, I was ok with it, but eventually things turned up to be like anything I have ever expected. I started to feel more and more sick every month; 3 bronchitis, flu, Pharyngitis and pneumonia were some of the diseases I had all in just about 6 months.
Recently I assumed a great position in my new company and the situation went from bad to worse, as if my body was actually begging me to stop doing something, I started to faint and feel sick reaching the point of having a stroke risk which implied that I may die If I continue like this. At this point I had to drop art and university(which was everything I loved in this life) and just concentrate on my job, simply because my mind was burned out from all the things I was doing. I was hospitalized several times, run through several tests, and they found nothing, anything at all. Stress was their explanation. Just stress...
So...I started to question my life in many aspects like money, happiness, love, work, art... and figured out after many days of thinking that this situation was not what I wanted. I started to ask many people how they face these situations, or if they even experienced them at all. Well... as a result of my kind of desperate survey for intelligent answers, every single person I talked to about this said: "yes...but you just have to deal with it"
It was the most depressing thing I have ever heard, people live their lives hating their jobs, feeling sick because of it, loosing target on their dreams and achievements in life (if they actually have some) at the cost of buying things things they don't really need, to impress people they don't really know, to feel happy about it. But every one knows money doesn't buy happiness, it sure gives the illusion, but it really doesn't.
So why bothering doing all this...
There were friends that supported me and endless messages from a couple of popular videos like this one from Alan Watts: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rApGnn_tLwo
that told me to "just do what you want", and this was kind of new to me. It was strange. It was scary. Aren't we supposed to all do the same thing?, aren't we supposed to go to an office stare at our screen for 9 hours straight and return back home to sleep and do the same the day after?, Wasn't this what everyone teach us in school?, that we have to live like that for the rest of our lives...?
Well, I fortunately made my choice, and I choose to live doing what I love to doing. Which is art.
And I refuse to follow the same path everyone is following just to get a couple more bucks on their pockets.
I don't know how much time I could live from art, but its worth trying, it definitely is.
I know I should keep this journal with professionalism and giving you super awesome news, but I guessed you guys should know this, that I'm just a human being like everyone else. Perhaps some of you experienced or are going through the same situation, and you find some answers on this journal. I will love to hear your story if so...
Thank you for reading