Just deal with it...they told me

2013-08-29 13:01:23 by keepwalking

Hello guys, long time since I updated my account, from works to news and journals.

Now going directly to the point of this journal in matter, I am going to try to clarify some of the reasons for the above recently mentioned and I am going to be as honest as possible. During the last 2 or 3 years I have been growing economically, and raising positions in big companies as a front end developer and web designer, and had to travel long distances to reach the office in a very uncomfortable crowded subway which left me with very little time for studying and painting. At the begging it felt great, it was good, I was ok with it, but eventually things turned up to be like anything I have ever expected. I started to feel more and more sick every month; 3 bronchitis, flu, Pharyngitis and pneumonia were some of the diseases I had all in just about 6 months.
Recently I assumed a great position in my new company and the situation went from bad to worse, as if my body was actually begging me to stop doing something, I started to faint and feel sick reaching the point of having a stroke risk which implied that I may die If I continue like this. At this point I had to drop art and university(which was everything I loved in this life) and just concentrate on my job, simply because my mind was burned out from all the things I was doing. I was hospitalized several times, run through several tests, and they found nothing, anything at all. Stress was their explanation. Just stress...

So...I started to question my life in many aspects like money, happiness, love, work, art... and figured out after many days of thinking that this situation was not what I wanted. I started to ask many people how they face these situations, or if they even experienced them at all. Well... as a result of my kind of desperate survey for intelligent answers, every single person I talked to about this said: "yes...but you just have to deal with it"

It was the most depressing thing I have ever heard, people live their lives hating their jobs, feeling sick because of it, loosing target on their dreams and achievements in life (if they actually have some) at the cost of buying things things they don't really need, to impress people they don't really know, to feel happy about it. But every one knows money doesn't buy happiness, it sure gives the illusion, but it really doesn't.

So why bothering doing all this...

There were friends that supported me and endless messages from a couple of popular videos like this one from Alan Watts: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rApGnn_tLwo
that told me to "just do what you want", and this was kind of new to me. It was strange. It was scary. Aren't we supposed to all do the same thing?, aren't we supposed to go to an office stare at our screen for 9 hours straight and return back home to sleep and do the same the day after?, Wasn't this what everyone teach us in school?, that we have to live like that for the rest of our lives...?

Well, I fortunately made my choice, and I choose to live doing what I love to doing. Which is art.
And I refuse to follow the same path everyone is following just to get a couple more bucks on their pockets.
I don't know how much time I could live from art, but its worth trying, it definitely is.

I know I should keep this journal with professionalism and giving you super awesome news, but I guessed you guys should know this, that I'm just a human being like everyone else. Perhaps some of you experienced or are going through the same situation, and you find some answers on this journal. I will love to hear your story if so...

Thank you for reading



You must be logged in to comment on this post.


2013-08-29 13:23:09

I think you're making a good decision. The future is always uncertain and there's the risk your new path won't work out, but it will forever be a part of you and your story and you'll have more to show as a result. It really sounds like you were running on empty and a change is healthy. Your art is amazing and if you just enjoy some calm and focus on your art each day, I think things will work out for you!

keepwalking responds:

Thanks a lot Tom, I will definetly put my best on it, you can be sure about that


2013-08-29 13:32:11

Life is far too short to "just deal with it", I wish you good luck in your endeavors


2013-08-29 13:41:54

Yes! Life is too short. You have to do what you love to do.


2013-08-29 13:45:03

Hope you've made the right choice.
Sounds like you have.


2013-08-29 13:46:02

I got no money , but I got art :)


2013-08-29 14:35:59

I have been there man. Life is too short not to be happy, and too long to be miserable. I was told the same thing "just deal with it". But my brain just isn't wired like that.


2013-08-29 14:40:18

BTW I made the same choice you did.


2013-08-29 14:56:58

Maybe i am young, i don't understand all those feelings, but i congratulate you for chosing what you want.

I could give you an advice to read this blog, it is about a writer who decided to live the life doing what he wished to do. "chrisguillebeau.com/3x5"

Art of Non-Conformity is the blog's name. It advices you of how to live doing what you want, and giving you a reason to go for it.

Maybe im going a bit too far, but i wanted you to check this, now that i see your problems.


2013-08-29 16:08:47

I've been reading a book recommended to me called 'Finding your Element: How to Discover Your Talents and Passions and Transform Your Life' by Ken Robinson. I was really skeptical at first because I was like man not one of these kooky books with phony motivational shit.

I was also skeptical because probably since the day I was born I knew what I wanted to do (well sorta but for the sake of keeping it simple). Anyway lately, as I hit like the 10 year anniversary of my career, i started to hit my mid life crisis of a sort. Where I felt really worn down and questioned whether I even wanted to another 10 years in the creative field. I kinda wanted to just throw it all away and go work at a gas station or something. Something totally disconnected with anything. Pretty much career suicide I think. So I just kinda lost my way, or I just felt the pressures of being in your 30's and beginning to feel like you should settle down and what not. Guess social norms contribute to that.

Anyway, long story short. I read that book and while it didnt like TOTALLY change my life (didnt really expect it to), it did teach me to atleast put more thought into my career and the things i forgot that i enjoyed that had somehow turned into 'routine'. It's got some silly excersizes in it, like just listening to yourself breathe for 30 mins and writing down the first thing that comes to your mind when you wake up or dreamt of, etc. But i think it helped. I feel like it allowed me turn off the nonsense. Yes i have to still go get my dry cleaning, or yes i still have to go pay the water bill, turn in X, or call Y, but just for a brief period just letting it be and letting yourself be creative or enjoy the moment at hand helped alot.

I feel like over the last few months, I've done things that have suprised me, like learning jQuery, and being curious about the world and what not. I still have shit days, but i think i feel more agile than ever right now and sometimes you need to like make some time in your life to turn off the phone, turn off the emails turn off all the noise and just let yourself be. I think something else that book touched on is to not FORCE yourself to really make it about having to choose. Trusting your gut goes a long way, and in reality every choice you make is 50/50 really. But yeah long post, but i really am glad youre feeling better <3

keepwalking responds:

no wories about the long post my friend. It is a hard desition to make, but Im proud of it. All I have ever done so far is ignoring what I love doing, and that was slowly killing me from the first moment I acknoledage it, because of society's terms and conditions. So basically what hapened to me is something similar to you exept I never really had it as a carrer until now that I recognize it as a valid way of living.


2013-08-29 16:31:20

That's fucking awesome, and inspiring. It's a crime that they almost kept you from doing what you want to do.


2013-08-29 19:37:07

Some people are going to have a harder time making this decision, namely because they're not especially talented. Talent isn't everything, part of it is luck and determination.

That said, you're so fucking talented, that you're one of the few people I wouldn't hesitate to encourage pursuing their passion.

You really are a uniquely gifted artist, and I feel there's a very bright future for you all goes your way.

keepwalking responds:

That means a lot man, srsly.
And I saw one of your posts talking about something similar. Just leting you know that your work is trully amazing, and if you keep moving forward you will definetly find an incredible future.


2013-08-29 19:53:17

That's the sadness that media covers. There's not much to say, but I do hope you find a happier position in society to be in. After all, society is one big ego!


2013-08-29 20:38:16

Follow your dreams, not the money.


2013-08-29 21:24:46

Dude you're fucking awesome :)


2013-08-29 21:27:24

Everytime people say "Just deal with it", you punch them it their nuts. It's the most ignorant thing ever. Most assholes say this because they don't want to listen to your life's story.


2013-08-29 21:57:33

I'm with you all the way on that. I personally chose to pursue my dreams instead of going for the "smart" choice. I opted out of Engineering in university and went to music instead. Nowadays I work all the time between music and tutoring and barely make enough to make ends meet. However I'm happy. I go to bed everyday proud of the work I've done and wake up looking forward to doing more work. In my opinion, that's what counts. After all, at the end of it all, I want to be able to look back and be happy with what I've done all my life.

So I say pursue your dream. Sure, it'll be risky and hard. However it's worth it.


2013-08-29 22:41:35

You're making the right decision. I can totally relate to the mental anguish and anxiety that comes from being kept away from creating. If you believe in yourself (which you should, you're incredibly talented) then you should never compromise. It's hard, but you can make it work.


2013-08-29 23:00:19

"Just deal with it" can mean a lot of things, like finding a new job, for example. You don't have to make a lot of money if you don't need a lot of things. If you want to make art, just move out of the city (if you're living in the city), find some simple part time job somewhere close, and make art with the rest of your time. Or find a job with a game company somewhere.

It can suck to worry about money, too. You should find some way of dealing with stress, since there's always going to be something to worry about. Just release your stake in the world and realize that nothing you do is really all that important.


2013-08-29 23:16:40

So much you have said i can relate to,its a really hard choice,but stress can kill you.being happy doing what you love and being content with that goes a long way.money definitely isnt everything,and what you leave behind creativly as an artist will be so much more valuable to those who apreciate your work.very proud of you.keep creating.


2013-08-30 02:47:33

Kick ass and keep on rolling! I could just repeat what everyone else here has said, and I agree with them, and with you. So that said, Zamuu Lima Beans!


2013-08-30 07:37:24

Now you need to get addicted to some drug so you can have a decent holiday in rehab.


2013-08-30 10:14:41

Ahh I'm not saying that decision is easy for you to make, but it was a great decision. It's kinda harder when you suck at art. I used to stay in my room for hours animating and drawing and ignoring my friends who say " hey let's hang out" and stuff like that. One day my breathing wasent normal and I went to the hospital and they said it was stress and I'm only 15. I eventually turned drawing down and my breathing went back to normal. Any way bottom line is its kinda hard for me to make the same decision as u because your actually good at it. I would take hours just to come out with something shitty.


2013-08-30 12:51:11

Every art piece I see you post on Newgrounds is breathtaking and amazing. I always want the best for everyone, and if doing art is your life's passion, then hell yes, follow that passion! I'm sure your family, friends and closest fans would follow you anywhere. And whatever you do, good luck to you~


2013-08-30 17:19:32

You only get one lifetime. Don't waste it figuring out how to please people, or on chasing dollars. Money is great, sure. But if you're working so much you can't even enjoy it (or anything else in your life) then what's the point? Not to sound like an after school special, but you gotta go for that inner joy.

The honest truth is that people who say "oh, it's just something you have to deal with" are the kinds of people who were too cowardly to take a leap, or never had anything worth sacrificing for. Hell, some people even LIKE having a predictable monotonous life, cause it's safe. But sometimes the safe choice isn't the right choice.

I don't even know you and I know you'll be just fine. Talented people always come out on top. You just gotta put on your climbing shoes and get going.

Good luck, man.


2013-08-30 19:19:45

I read this last night but didn't get a chance to comment on it until today. I pretty much have the exact same sentiments that you posted here. Anyway, I think everyone else's comments summed it up: go for what makes you happy.

You definitely have the skill/talent to pull it off, in my opinion. Good luck!


2013-08-30 20:13:08

I think everyone faces this in their life at one point. You can choose to do what's been set as the norm and go on with your life, but it might not make you happy, or you can choose to do what makes you happy and not make a lot of money. Choosing to just do what makes you happy isn't always easy and you have to make sacrifices in the end, but it will make your life 100% better. There's so many talented artists on Newgrounds and you're one of the best, so I bet you'll find success as long as you keep at it.


2013-08-31 04:27:35

Man...just follow your dream, im so sorry you had all that :( i just want to hug you. But amen man....I wish I could do this if my music was bigger, I need more business. I love your work and you are a beautiful artist, keep doing what you're doing, just keep walking :)

(Updated ) keepwalking responds:

thanks a lot man, your work is great you should be proud of it :)
*Bro Hug*


2013-08-31 15:42:01

KeepWalking, wish you all the best and I'm glad to have subscribed as your talent for conveying emotion through your work is great! Follow what you know your path is. I had to recently assess my life too, all my friends, and choices. Now I made up my mind who's really with me in this next step in life, and I'm scared but now I have to take the step. That being said this is your life reassessment which is in accordance with what you love therefore you will accomplish all that set out to do. Stay strong and know the NG fam supports you

keepwalking responds:

Thanks a lot man trully appreciated!
Wish you good luck, I know you will succed :)


2013-09-01 02:17:55

I think you underestimate the worth of money. No, it won't buy you happiness. It'll buy you more practical things, like shelter, food, transportation, clothing, and other necessities as well as indulgences. We don't need the vices in our life (under-rated though they are), but you can't eat dreams.

That doesn't mean that I would discourage you from going after your dream. On the contrary, you're a man (or woman?) of real talent if your art on here is any indicator, and to not focus that talent would be a waste. Just don't underestimate practicality in the process. Speaking of... sticking with a job that literally makes you violently ill is quite the opposite of practical. Good luck!


2013-09-01 21:04:16

tranquilo amigo! take it esasy, jajaja . respira el aire fresco, andá a tu propio ritmo, espero que te mejores, necesitás algo tranquilo


2013-09-02 14:51:14

Hi there, this kind of struck me as I've made a similar decision myself very recently. And the illnesses and everything have been very similar. I worked in a different field of course and have different hobbies, but I completely understand what you write here. And I think it will work out for you. I think it will work out for me as well. It might not lead to what one expected, but I believe if you truly honestly do what you love, it will lead you somewhere, where you "ought" to be. I have to confess, I don't know any of your art, I just clicked here because a friend of mine used your picture as a cover for one of his new songs, but I'm curious to check it out. You've also mentioned Alan Watts of whom I've heard a lot about (from my dad) but never really read anything. I suppose if you do what you love and meditate and live the way you feel you should be living, it'll all be good. I wish you luck man.


2013-09-02 16:10:30



2013-09-03 18:36:37

Lyme Disease


2013-09-10 08:40:59

Ok i really like your art but we have never talked before. After reading your journal entry i felt like sharing something with you. It may be lost in the sea of comments you got but i dont care , ill say it.

Do what you love. If you dont live for your dreams your life is no better than a sheep's or a cow's. To hell with "normal way of life". See how everyone around you is depressed , chasing his tail and living a plastic life. Are these the people you really want to seek advice from?

Im gonna tell you two things from my personal life that relate with your experience , i hope it will help. First its about my wife. I met her when we were 15. I loved her from the very first second. They told me that relationships dont last at this age. They told me that i will be feeling the same thing for a million girls before i get married. They told me that its mathematically proven that we wont last. They even saw me as a weirdo for commiting myself to one woman and without ever giving as much as a blink to another girl. My answear to these people is , here i am , after all these years , loving the very same woman more than my life , being engaged with her and getting ready to mary her next year or the year after.

The second example is my art. Two years ago i could work if my life depended on it. What i could do was imagine. I could imagine all shorts of things and i had a dream to be able and tell the stories in my head , create them and share them. For a little more than two years i worked day and night , trying to become good at it. I worked hard and i worked alone. I even raised jealousy and discontent from a childhood friend of mine who was infact already an actor with several degrees. Today , after all this effort of following my second dream , i have learned more than i could ever imagine and im already working as an artist. I know i will never be rich from it but for me , im already rich for having my wife and my art.

I hope this will help you a bit , its all true. I wish you the best my friend , live life as your heart commands.


2013-09-28 20:55:59

"It is always the things we don't do that we regret later"

I'm sure there are people who will tell you "quit your job and do what you want" or "keep your job, not everyone has the chance to do what you're doing and make a good living". Both valid points, but it all boils down to the question: What do you want to do with your life? What do you want to accomplish? I can tell you whatever you decide to do will not be easy and you will face hardships, but you can't live in unhappiness. Picture yourself in 60 years and ask yourself whether you will be happy with how you spent your time? Because you won't be getting a refund!

It may take you a while to find the answer to your problem, but I suggest that you DON'T just "deal with it". Search for the answer and your bound to find it!


2013-09-30 00:58:02

thank you :) -bro hug-


2013-10-25 16:59:43

i realize im a little late to the party but this caught my eye while i a\was browsing your art. funny enough i actually am a huge fan of Alan Watts and tend to show that video, as well as "Music and Life" (also Alan Watts) to all of my friends. i also suggest that you look up "A Cartoonists Advice" by Bill Waterson (guy you did Calvin and Hobbes). anyway anyway the reason i commented it to suggest you look into concept art careers, your art is perfect for it. look to game companies for employment, there is nothing like being paid (handsomely) for you ideas. competition in the field is very stiff so make sure you look far and wide. again just a suggestion. :)


2013-10-30 21:43:40

I can't say I'm going through exactly the same, but rather than relieving stress, finding something I really want could mean getting the motivation to get a job. I am very ill with both chronic and bipolar depression.

You obviously have, but to others.. Realizing what you actually want is not easy. I only recently realized that my interest might be in the field of quality assurance and testing software, and I'm 26, same as keepwalking. I've always had a knack for seeing things that are out of place.


2014-10-11 07:42:36

I totally understand you, man!
People are just used to live like everyone else, and they seem not to have problems with that... I mean, hello?! How? How can you do the same things over and over to to make a few more bucks, as you said?
Good thing is that i understood this at "teen" age, and i really don't want to be like everyone, i'm constantly trying to choose a different path.
For example, i do parkour since i can remember. People always had bad infulence on me and things i do, just because they don't understand that we all love different things. They are just close minded.
I appriciate your decision, stay strong, mate!